Make It Stop
Today it happened. The wheels were coming off, self doubt was seeping in, my mind was beginning to tell me that I was weak. I have been making progress, even feeling positive about my training — until this morning. I hit the trail early to facilitate an earlier than usual work day. Nothing seemed to work right. My legs were heavy, my pace erratic, and I couldn't seem to pull it together.
Then the demons came with vengeance. "How am I going to do a marathon or half ironman for that matter if I can't even slide through a 6 mile training run?" "Why don't I feel better?" "What kind of reward is this for not having missed any workouts during Thanksgiving?" "Maybe this big body wasn't meant to be out here in pursuit of such goals?" They were all questions swirling in my head and making it difficult to concentrate. Answers to those questions will be hard to come by and will be sought often during this process. I'm just ready to push past this challenge and get rid of the demons of self-doubt. I know this is part of the process. I know I can do it and I will do it. Just as I'm learning doubt from others is a powerful motivator, when it manifests itself from within, it's also a powerful deterrent to success.
On a better note, as mentioned prior, Thanksgiving was filled with family, good food, good times, and good workouts. Ran on two different trails in two different cities, I'll spare you the details of my 4 runs the week of Thanksgiving. I returned to my old haunts in Oklahoma and while there visited with a longtime friend from high school and college. It's always good to catch up. After 1,200 miles driving with two kids in the car, though, it was also great to return home and enjoy the Austin Children Helping Children Austin Christmas parade. Chicklet had a blast and loved seeing the balloons, the bands and the festivities. I was quickly reminded of how much more fun Christmas is when you get to see it all through a childs eyes. We are blessed...challenges and all.